Random Plotting

(For those of you who have not noticed, Spleafnet is back up. However, something's still not right, in that the admin panel is still completely inaccessible. So I can't actually update any info.)

So, I'm writing this while down in Oregon, without an internet connection, because my grandparents live in the freaking stone age. Heck, they even have a telephone from a time they claim was 'before the internet existed'. I'm not sure if I believe them. Did we have telephones in the Dark Ages? It's historical facts like that that I just can't be bothered to remember...

Anyway... I was watching tonight's episode of Jeopardy out of boredom. I don't normally watch the show (hell, I don't normally watch anything), but since there's not much to do around my grandparents' aside from watch stuff on their huge flatscreen HD TV (this from a couple who believes computers are the work of the devil)... As I was saying, the final question on Jeopardy revealed that in the 1900s, radium was the most valuable substance or something like that, and valued at $3 million per ounce.

So, that got me thinking. I don't remember if Rad ever told me how much she weighs, but unless she's absurdly underweight, we could make a ton of money here. Here's my evil plan...

1: Kidnap Radium. Probably the most complicated part. I'm thinking we trace her IP to find wherever she lives (because asking people who know her is like, totally not evil enough), then take an assault team into her ISP and extract her exact address by gunpoint. Then we have another assault team storm her house and kidnap her, while a pair of helicopters lays down supressing fire. Then we airlift her out in one of the choppers, and blame the entire incident on PETA by claiming that Rad's existence was potentially a threat to some animal or other at some moment or other in her lifespan. That should be ambiguous enough for people to buy it.

2: Fatten Rad up with large amounts of donuts and ice cream.

3: Debunk Eistein. Easy part.

4: Build a time machine.

5: Fight off our future selves who attack us as we complete the time machine.

6: Travel back to the 1900s.

7: ???

8: Profit

...

219: Discover that somehow we've altered the time stream and go back in time to try and stop ourselves from building the time machine, despite the fact that we already know that our past selves defeat our future selves and alter the time stream anyway.

Sound good? We'll all be filthy rich by the time we're done, and we'll only create a time parodox and possibly destroy the entire universe in the process! I mean, it's not like we're dividing by 0 or anything...